conspiracy theory

sure those automatic sliding doors at the entrance to the grocery store are quite the nifty little invention. they do indeed prove to be somewhat helpful, with all the child wrangling, buggy (i’m from the south, and i’ll call the cart a buggy if i darn well please, thank you!) maneuvering, and list finding activities usually going on at the entryway to the store. and what kind of big sister could possibly forget her brother’s cries of ‘open sayz me’ during every grocery trip? no matter how hard i try to convince myself that i don’t need a list for the not-so-major grocery outing, i fail miserably any time i make a go for it without one. come on, it’s only three things. milk, coffee creamer, cheese. milk, coffee creamer, cheese. milk, coffee creamer, cheese. over and over and over again, all the way to the store. and i’m SURE i’ve got it this time. but the instant i pass underneath the sensor for the automatic doors, it’s as if my brain is cleared of all list-related data. maybe i’m sucked in by all of the clever marketing ploys on the other side, just waiting to assault me as i enter the store—but i’ve been subjected to that for so long now i’m practically immune, right? i had those needed items practically engraved in my memory banks—there’s no way i’m THAT forgetful! i am convinced that there’s some sort of device embedded in the motion sensors for the automatic door that makes your brain take a dump quicker than you can say ‘ex-lax.’ what else could it be? you know the stores want you to forget what you came for so you’d buy a bunch of crap, just hoping you got the right things. if you didn’t, you’d have to come back yet again and hopefully buy one or two more impulse items. sounds like motive to me. maybe for my next grocery shopping excursion i will wear a metal colander or aluminum foil so that i won’t fall prey to the evil mind controlling grocery store managers. i have a four year old, i can probably get away with that, right???